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7/29 Season 3 Recap: Dan Quayle Does America’s Got Talent!!

Posted by REALITYTV on Jul 30th, 2008 and filed under America's Got Talent, Recap. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry | Viewed 6130 times.

Tonight’s America’s Got Talent had HUGE potential. They decided to turn to the internet for their talent by searching for their performers on Myspace.com. We know that sounds like a shameless promo of a web site, but none of us are above that are we? ;-). This was the last audition show of the year folks, so we opined this should be their best!!!  (PLEASE MAKE SURE TO CAST YOUR BALLOTS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS ARTICLE!!)

For sure, this should be a great show. We have found so much great talent on the web. Most recently, a favorite of ours that made it into the spot light was Arnel Pineda, the new lead singer for Journey! Discovered on the internet, this singer from the Philippines is now a star performer in an internationally famous rock band!!!

So, if you screened this talent first on the web, most of it that made the actual show should be great. We don’t stare at videos on YouTube because they stink, right? Certainly, America’s Got Talent would take the time to make sure we didn’t have to stare at horrible videos on television, so the cream of the crop should be on this show. We grabbed our popcorn and settled in.

So, did it live up to expectations? Let’s begin:

They always start this show with the obligatory freak acts no matter where they find their talent.

First Act: Michael Trixx (are for kids), a magician. Well, what is our rule? If he looks like a freak… Well, Michael looked like a freak. He started with some cheap tricks from a kid’s magic kit, and by the end, after getting unanimously buzzed off, made us think that the plastic dog poop in a novelty shop would have been vastly more entertaining.

After several more freak acts, they should have been able to find some real talent on myspace and not continue the Jerry Springer show. Right?

On comes Eloy Rendon, who opens with a clever crazy accent and has everyone believing he is not an American. He looked normal, so this was no obvious freak show. He then announces in a totally American accent that he is a motivational speaker. He wasn’t. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Well, our guess is that if he didn’t motivate anyone on the show, he likely wasn’t doing much motivating on Myspace either.

OK, now we are starting to feel like we have been had. All these horrible acts and we haven’t found any internet talent despite the fact they could have screened these people in advance? Well, at least the next act was interesting.

A cluck-off champion!!! That’s right folks. This guy won a championship competition imitating a chicken. No, he didn’t get voted through, but he was the best talent so far by a long shot.

Next…David Deeble. His talent? Being a “FREAK”. He introduced his act as saying he was going to do “fireworks in his pants”. He got summarily buzzed before his first fart.

Now we are thinking, “This is all getting old right?” Any work at all by the scouts on this program and you could have found major talent. We find it every day on YouTube and Myspace. So Suzy Trunquist boards the stage, and what do we see? “FREAK”. Sure enough, what is the rule? If they look like a freak…. Gad, her singing sounded like Big Foot in the throws of death.

By this point, we have to figure that this show is trying to imply that the internet crowd is stupid. We can find garbage on the internet anytime; we don’t need national television to bring it to us. And most of these weren’t even funny freaks, just pathetic ones.

So they finally throw us a curve…an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator.  We looked at each other and thought,  “Gee, that has never been done before, especially not in front of Sharon. Right?” So freakin’ original. But this guy was actually pretty good. He managed to take Ozzy’s greatest hit of all time and get the audience into it. He got voted through, but we all know, no one could take more than ten minutes of this guy, even if she was married to him. Sharon?

As they cut to commercial, they showed Jerry Springer, and his image said it all. FREAK SHOW!!! It is amazing there weren’t bouncers on the stage trying to hold two bad acts apart as they tried to kill each other for cheating on their wives with transsexuals. Then Jerry could tell us all how stupid Americans are in his wonderful misogynistic way. Love you Jerry.

Now was time for a truly touching story and the only worthwhile segment so far. A mother that, through Myspace, found the daughter she had to give up for adoption years before. This was truly touching, but it was almost like the show was taking credit for it. Fortunately, this woman could wale. Holly Stone surprised us with her voice and got a Standing O. She was voted through and we are looking forward to her next performance!!!

Then it was time for the “Dan Quayle” comment of the night, and it had to come from a man that talks to cars, David Hasselhoff. His infamous quote? “Only in America could this woman have found her daughter on Myspace”. This after Jerry told us at the beginning of the show that the internet was a world-wide phenomenon.  Apparently, according to David, only Americans are smart enough to actually use the internet. Holly was great. David gets three buzzes.

Next was a percussion-rock ensemble that played on plastic buckets. So, our first reaction was, OK, can a group of young men doing what we have seen being done in front of subway stations dozens of times make it to the finale? You know, they were actually quite good, but they were no “Blue Man Group”. Piers was the only one that got it right “I like the energy, but you need backup.” Everyone agreed, but only Sharon was smart enough to know that plastic buckets ain’t worth a million bucks, so they got voted through to Vegas. Fortunately, the buckets don’t weigh much, so they shouldn’t have to pay extra for their luggage.

OK, now for our least favorite part of the show, where they whip through talented act after talented act and we barely get to see any of them perform. We hope we get their names right, but the show whipped through these talented acts so fast, we barely had time to see the acts themselves, let alone get the names.

A magician, Shamski, that took out the midsection of his beautiful assistant!! He shocked us with his talent…for all of five seconds. Great, we get tons of freaks, and five seconds of real talent.

Next, The Leasoll brothers, a gymnastic juggling act that seemed quite good, for five seconds and voted through.

Then a performer (sorry we missed his name) that did excellent impersonations…we think. He wasn’t on long enough for us to figure out whom he was impersonating. Voted through and got a standing O, but we as the TV audience didn’t get to see him.

Finally, Kazual, a very talented quartet got to sing for us for all of five seconds. Another great act displaced by stupid freak acts not worth the time in a subway station.

It was finally time for something that had great potential. They introduced “The Tapping Dad’s.” This was a group of fathers aged 32-56 that filled the stage with tap dancing talent and had great promise. The act started and we got to see…five seconds before they were voted through. The camera spent twice as much time on Hasselhoff telling them they made their kids proud. David, if you want their kids to be proud, maybe you should have shown the act instead of your puss, or at the very least cut to Pamela Anderson!!

Well, maybe the talent yet to come was the reason they ran out of time, or so we hoped. They followed with a cameo on a mother/daughter team that called themselves the “Sweet Tones”. The mother was going for the elderly sympathy vote at 80 years of age, but all they did was whistle. OK, you can’t even let grandma through for just a whistle, and the judges got it right. Unfortunately, they wasted minutes of air time on this untalented duo, once again proving that the people that choreographed this show likely couldn’t generate a single decent Youtube video.

Now it was the time for the final insult to the audience. It wasn’t that the next talent, Specialist Dane Jens, was untalented or a freak. He is a dashing soldier that just got back from 15 months of duty in Iraq. We respect his efforts and those of all our soldiers in Iraq, but we hate to see a show use it to their own advantage. They made a ten minute promotion piece for America’s Got Talent exploiting his slightly above average performance and his wife’s tears for all they were worth. This was obviously completely staged for TV. They tried to make it look like Piers would send the man home. They played Lassie-style music to make us all feel so sad, so we wanted the hero to win and go on.

Piers then asks the man if his wife was there. She has been back stage chatting with Jerry for five minutes while watching her husband perform, but Piers expects us all to believe he doesn’t know she is there? Please!!! Could you question the audience’s intelligence any more? She came on, delivered her few obligatory tears, and off they went, on their way to Vegas.

The set wasted a full 1/6 of the show (more if you count the commercials) on this shameless self-promotion, and they expected the audience to just play along like a flock of sheep.

OK, now we love “America’s Got Talent”.  They have brought it when it comes to great discoveries like Terry Fator.  We think it is a fantastic show and watch every show religiously.

This fortunately is NOT, “what this show is all about”.  This particular segment was a sadly choreographed joke that they will hopefully fix before they get to the finals. Overall, it got two buzzers from us, but we unfortunately did not have a third, so they got to finish their act.  Hopefully, you will let them know what you think in our surveys below…


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Do you think this show wasted too much time on FREAKS?

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